Why Does It Seem So Far?
by OnTheFlipSide
Summary: Kendall Knight's been avoiding Logan Mitchell ever since 9th grade. No one knows why. They were best friends. Logan sees Kendall everyday, but he just seems so far way. "Here I am, there you are. Why does it seem so far?"  T for kogan slash and self harm.
1. Prologue

He sits next to me in Calculus, English, and World History! But I haven't talked to him since ninth grade. I wish I knew why. But he just acted like he never knew me. Like I never existed.

Kendall Knight was the best thing that ever happened to me. I just wish he knew that. A song lyric popped into my head. I wrote it down for later.

_Here I am, there you are. Why does it seem so far?_


	2. Why?

"Mr. Mitchell? May I see you after class?" Just then, the bell rang.

I stopped by Mrs. Collins' desk. "What do you need?"

"Well, Logan, I've heard that you were Kendall Knight's best friend. Is this true?"

"Uhm. Kind of…"

"Great! You see, Logan, Kendall needs some help in calculus. Since you're the best in the class, and friends with him, I thought you would be great."

"Of course, I'll do it. But, can you ask Kendall to stay after school, so we can discuss it?"

"Sure, Logan."

I walked out of calc. so happy. Finally, I got to spend time with Kendall Knight, who had hated me for some unexplained reason. Maybe I would find out.

That afternoon, I walked into Mrs. Collins' room, to see Kendall sitting already there.

"Kendall." I smiled. "I haven't seen you in forever."

All I got in response was a slight nod.

"Kendall, look. You need some help. I'm willing to do that. But you have to give too."

"Fine, Mitchell. I'll go along with it," he sighs. "What time are we going for?"

"Well, I have every afternoon except Wednesdays and Fridays open. What about you?"

"I have hockey every weekday except Fridays, obviously or I wouldn't be here, then Friday nights I teach Katie guitar. So, what about Saturday around 11:30ish?

"Sounds good to me. See you then."

"Yeah…"

Tomorrow. At 11:30ish. I get to hang out with Kendall. Okay, well, I'm teaching him, but maybe we'll hang out after. Whatever. I can still be excited! But I cant help wondering… does he still hate me? and why…?


	3. I Want To Help

Kendall POV

I ran all the way home after talking to Logan, trying my hardest not to cry until I got there. I've managed to avoid him for three years and now it's all ruined by a stupid teacher.

If I could get away from Logan, my mind wouldn't go astray with the thoughts that he was so much better than me. So smart and funny and cute… wait… cute? Where'd that come from? By now I was in my room. I immediately ran to my sock drawer and felt around until my hand closed around it. I carried it to the bathroom and took off my shirt. I pressed the blade into my lower stomach and sighed with relief as the pain melted everything away. By now my stomach was crisscrossed with the marks. It started in ninth grade.

That was the year I started to realize how I felt about Logan. I thought I was just going through a phase. But it didn't stop. I had read about how people thought cutting helped them get back to reality. So I tried it. And haven't stopped. Now every time I think about Logan, or any guy that way, I press the blade in. It helps. But no one will ever know. I would never trust anyone enough to tell them.

I never take my shirt off in public. I'm Kendall Knight. No one would ever think I was hiding something. Well, except Logan.

Logan knew everything about me. We had been best friends since the diaper days. We started playing hockey together in middle school, which was when we met James, who was this hair obsessed maniac who was hilarious, and Carlos, the most sweet goofball ever.

We were those four guys who were never separated, and never let anything ruin our friendship. But there were always favorites. Me and Logan were closer to each other than the other guys. The same with James and Carlos. Me and Logan were more into music, James and Carlos into… well, James and Carlos.

Ninth grade was when I started to realize that I thought of Logan as more than a friend. I always had, but not that way. When I realized that, I was terrified.

Before my dad left us, he had hated gay guys. If he found out… he wouldn't be happy. I still only saw my dad every two months for a weekend. But I was suddenly scared to go the next Saturday.

He had always said that any gay he encountered, he would beat them bloody.

I didn't doubt he would do it to his own son.

So I stopped all contact with Logan Mitchell.


	4. Green Eyes

LOGAN POV

This is it. I anxiously walked faster down the street. Kendall only lived two blocks down from me. Why does it seem so far?

I arrived at the big blue house with the K flag waving out front. I forced myself to walk slowly up the wooden steps and politely knock on the door. I heard yelling in the house, which sounded like Kendall and Katie fighting over who should answer the door. Finally, a smiling Kendall opened it. The smile faded slightly when he saw me, but it was still there. "Kendall," I said as he stared at me.

"Hey, Logan. Come on in," Kendall invited as he opened the door wider. "You still remember where my room is?" I nodded. "Cool. Go on up and make yourself at home. I'll be there in a second."

I walked up the stairs and down the hall to Kendall's bedroom. As I opened the door, I gasped slightly. It was exactly as I remembered it from my childhood, with a few minor exceptions. There was only three bean bags instead of four. I tried not to believe I was the reason for that. Also, Kendall's usually immaculate room was slightly out of place. His sock drawer was open and socks strewn everywhere. I started walking toward it very slowly. I thought I saw something glint.

Kendall walked into the room, and I shook it off. It was probably just my imagination.

"So, Gre- Kendall. Shall we get started?" I asked. I mentally slapped myself. _You almost called him Green Eyes! He doesn't know you call him that!_ I thought vigorously. Luckily, Green Eyes didn't seem to notice.

"Fine. Go pick a beanbag and I'll grab my homework," he said, shaking his head.

I plopped down in the blue beanbag, which used to be mine. Maybe I wasn't the reason. Maybe Katie had- "S-Logan? You in there?" I shook my self out of my mental rant to look at Kendall. What had that S been? I decided not to ask.

"Sorry Kendall. Just thinking. What's our first subject?"

"Hmm… Chemistry?"

"Chemistry it is."

One very long, stressful hour, and twelve wrong answers, later, Kendall looked ready to give up. "Come on. Just one more question Kendall, and we'll take a break."

"Oh, fine. Element L has an average atomic mass of 95.0250 amu and is composed of two isotopes. The first has a mass of 95.9185 amu and makes up 42.970% of a standard sample. What is the mass of the second isotope? Hmm… well, 95.0250 = 95.95185*.4297 + x*.5703  
>x=94.32665?"<p>

"Correct!"

"Yay! I did it, Sunshine!"

"Sunshine?" I asked.

Kendall stopped in his tracks. "Uh…"

"It's okay Green Eyes. I've got a nickname for you too." Kendal audibly sighed with relief.

"Then I'm going to call you that," he said with a smile. "Just not in public. Whenever we're together. Alone."

That made me feel all tingly inside. Alone? With Kendall? But when I looked up, Kendall's face had gone serious. "Out. Now."

"What? Why? Kendall? What did I do?"

"Just leave." So I did.

…Crap.


	5. I Didn't Know

KENDALL POV

"_Now." This is the last thing I said to Logan. No, I didn't say it because I didn't like having him there. I said it because I loved having him there._

_I. Am. Kendall. Knight. I. Can. Not. Be. Gay._

_I called Logan Sunshine. I've been calling him that for years, but he doesn't know that. The only person who knew was Katie. And that was only because one day this summer, she caught me writing in my journal. After making fun of me for having a journal, she proceeded to read it. Then come up to me and hug me, crying, and saying, "That's why you never talk to him. Because you love him. And you're scared of Dad." I had told her she was right. She was the only one who knew my secret._

All of this ran through my head as I found my razor and made six more cuts. Now this part, Katie doesn't know about. I wouldn't want her to. It's my biggest secret. I'd like to keep it that way.

The next Monday when I got to school, the first thing I saw was my Sunshine. He was sitting beside the Wall(1) with some guys arm around his shoulder. Wait… some guy?

"Logan!" I call.

"Hey!"

"Come here." He nodded. He whispers something to the guy and the guy… kisses… his… forehead…

"Logan?"

"Kendall?"

"Who's that?"

"My boyfriend…?"

"Uhm. I didn't know you were gay."

"How? every- oh. Well. You haven't talked to me the past three years."

"Oh."

"Come with me. I'll introduce you guys."

I followed him over there. This explained why Logan was being so sweet. And well… sometimes he was acting a little gay-ish.

"Zach. Meet Kendall. Kendall, Zach."

"Hey Zach."

"Zach, Kendall's been my best friend for a long time. I thought you guys should meet."

"How come you don't talk about him then," Zach said, sounding… offended?

Just then, the bell rang.

"I'll… explain it later Zach. Bye, Kendall."

I waved.

Boyfriend.

Logan.

Had.

A

Boyfriend.

Worst part? It was Zach Phillips. The school gay hottie. How could I not notice that? Really. How.

But this was good news and bad news. Bad news? Logan had a boyfriend. Good news? Boyfriend. As in, I possibly have a chance if they break up.

Yes!

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><p><strong>AN- 1. got this from my summer camp. So. We found out Logan has a boyfriend, and that Katie knows kendall likes Logan. (BTW I tried to make it longer. Did I succeed?**


	6. Don't Call Me That

**A/N: well, i know. this one isnt as long. *sigh* but, i did all of this in 30 minutes without having to tell my mom i was doing research, since no one knows i write these things. grr. im working on a new story called fearless. it'll be out soon. now, i work on my history report! *sigh*. anyway on with the story.**

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><p>LOGAN POV<p>

I ran up the stairs so I wouldn't be late for my next class…and yeah, let's face it, to get away from Zach.

Zach's been my boyfriend for two years. We knew everything about each other. Which would be why Zach was mad when he found out I had a best friend he'd never heard of.

Well, first of all, I'm afraid if I started talking about him, I wouldn't be able to stop. And second… I didn't love Zach. I lo-"LOGAN!"

I stumbled and fell over.

"Oh my gosh I'm sorry babe I didn't mean to-"

"Shut up Zach. I have to go. And don't call me that." I whirled around and ran into Calculus, which I didn't even realize I was outside. As soon as I came in, everyone looked at me. I guessed that I was late.

"Sorry I'm late Mrs. Collins. I tripped on my w-"

"It's fine Mr. Mitchell. Have a seat."

Gratefully, I walked to the back of the room and sat in my seat to find Kendall was sitting where Josh(1) used to sit. Before I could ask, Kendall explained. Apparently Mrs. Collins asked him how our study session went.

He told her it went great and that I was a great teacher

So she told him to sit by me.

And here he is.

Well. Crap.

Now all I'll be able to think about is those beautiful green eyes, how he-

What am I thinking?

I can't be thinking about him like that! What about Zach?

Gah. I have guy issues…

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><p><strong>Eh? (1) just a random OC. he has no point. just wanted to clear that up. okay... i guess.. still short, i know. im working on it though. next chapter will be from kendalls pov and will be long and angsty. promise=)<strong>


	7. Somewhere Only We Know

**I tried to make this longer. I probably failed. *sigh*. OH and SORRY it took SO long! I was really busy. sorry. anyway. Read on!**

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><p>KENDALL POV<p>

Secretly, I was overjoyed that Mrs. Collins made me sit beside Logan. And I'm extremely pissed at myself because of it.

Kendall.

Knight.

Can.

Not.

Be.

Gay.

It just can't happen. Not with my dad. Not with my history. But when I saw him with Zach, it made me all tingly.

When he told Zach not to call him that, I felt like I had Logan in a way Zach can't: I have a nickname for him. And he has one for me. The only thing I've ever seen him call Zach is… Zach.

KENDALL!

Quit thinking about him like that!

I need to chill out. I need to…

I knew what I needed to do.

"Mrs. Collins?"

"Yes, Mr. Knight?"

"May I use the restroom?"

"Sure, Kendall."

Silently thanking whatever forces there were out there(1) that she said yes, as soon as I got out of the room, I practically ran all the way to the bathroom. I was feeling my pockets. Yes. I had it.

I slammed the stall door. I pulled out my razor and took off my shirt. I made six nice, straight cuts right under my belly button. There.

That made me feel so much better.

Although I was still thinking about Logan like that, I at least had gotten out my anger at myself. Realizing I had almost been in here 7 minutes I quickly cleaned and bandaged the cuts and put up my razor.

I headed back to class.

As I took my seat, Logan asked me if I was okay. No, I thought. But I told him I was fine.

The bell rang. I picked up all my books and ran out the door.

"Kendall?"

I stopped. "Logan?"

"What do you have next?"

"Free period. You?"

"Me too. How did I not know that? Whatever. Will you come with me?"

"…Where?"

"Just… Trust me?"

I sighed, but nodded. Why wouldn't I trust him? I lo- KENDALL!

STOP!

NOW!

Jeez. I need to get a grip on this…Logan thing.

"Kendall? Kendall! You in there?"

"Sorry. Daydreaming."

Sunshine sighed and grabbed my hand.

"Logan! What are you doing?"

"You obviously cant find your way alone. I'm helping."

"But where are we going?"

"Somewhere only we know."

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><p><strong>(1) Uhm I didn't know if people from other religions read this do I didn't want to offend anyone. Anyway. Review! They make me feel all warm and tingly inside.<strong>


	8. Backstory Time!

**Okay. I must apolagize for all this fluff, but I had to explain what this was. Anyway. Read on!**

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><p>LOGAN POV<p>

I had to admit, grabbing Green Eyes' hand was kind of rash, and it made me all tingly. But- ah! Logan! Quit. Doing. That.

I sighed.

I tugged on Kendall's hand and he reluctantly followed, but didn't release my hand. It made me so happy- wait. Happy? Surely it was just because he was just being the Kendall I was used to… right?

The bell rang. The hallways were mostly empty by now. I'm sure Kendall was confused. But this was where we used to go all the time as kids. See, the elementary school and high school were right beside each other.

"_Kendall!"_

"_Yeah, Logie?"_

"_Look what I found!"_

_It was during recess. They got free run of the campus since they were fifth graders. Young Logan had found a hidden field that looked as it no one had been in it in ten years. This became their place. Logan and Kendall were inseparable. Logan and Kendall, Kendall and Logan. Best friends till the end of time. And this was their own secret was surrounded by trees, and only accessible by a 5 minute walk through the woods to a bridge that arced over a river into a bright green meadow that was almost as pretty as the taller boy's eyes. They had named the meadow 'Somewhere Only We Know.'_

As I snapped out of my reverie, I saw it slowly begin to dawn on Kendall as we exited the school doors.

"Logie?"

I smiled as I heard him call me by my childhood nickname.

"Yes?"

"Where are we going?" he repeated.

"Somewhere Only We Know," I said with a smile.

Kendall understood.

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><p><strong>So? Yeah, I know. Extremely short and fluffy. *sigh* I'm terrible. I'm working on the next chapter though. It involves singing.=)<strong>


	9. Singing in the Meadow

**I am so sorry I haven't updated in forever, I've been sick, plus I have two essays and a project due monday. Joy. anyway. This is one of my better. Can you guys tell what song it is? Read on!**

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><p>KENDALL POV<p>

We passed my locker and I stopped Logan. I threw my books in there and we took off again.

"Logie?"

"Yes?"

"Stop by my car. I need to get something."

I threw open my door and grabbed my guitar. We were doing this Knight style.

"Why do you have that?"

"I just… for old times." The field was where Logan first heard me sing in 7th grade.

He smiled. He understood.

We ran through the woods and got there in three minutes. The meadow looked beautiful. I looked over. So did Logan. I wonder what he thought of me… Kendall!

A song lyric popped into my head, and I mentally wrote it down.

_Something I want so bad, to know what's inside your head. Then maybe I could see what you see._

We sat down on the grass and I pulled a piece of paper out of my case, and wrot down the lyric.

"What's that?" Logan asked, stealing the paper.

"Nothing! Give it back!"

"Are you writing a song?"

I sighed. "Yeah." I guess I had to tell him. Plus, he didn't know it was about him.

"I…I've been writing a song too. It kinda goes with yours," Logie said, cautiously.

"Really? Write it!"

And so we had the first verse.

_Here I am, there you are, why does it seem so far? _

_Next to you is where I should be._

_Something I want so bad, to know what's inside your head._

_Then maybe I could see what you see._

"What next?" Logan asked.

"I don't know… we'll have to qrite it later, once we get some ideas."

"Yeah. Well, why don't you go ahead and sing it? I'll harmonize."

I smiled. Of course. But, argh! Kendall! Logan probably wrote that about Zach. Not you.

I frowned. But I played it.

Logan started, "Here I am, there you arre, why does it seem so far? Next to you is where I should be!"

He quited, and I joined the song, "Something I want so bad, to know what's inside your head, maybe I could see what you see."

I glanced over at him, and pured my heart out. But he didn't know…

"I gotta keep on believing that everything takes time. I'd make up any reason to make you mine!" It was about him. I'd do anything to make him mine. I might as well admit it.

Suddenly, Logan sang out, "If I'm staying or leaving, I'll let you decide. Yeah, any kind of guy you waaant, that's the kind I'll be!"

"I'd… turn myself upside down?"

"Yes! It's great, Logie," I said as I wrote it down. "It's gonna be a great song."

Logan glanced at his watch. "We'd better get going, we only have fifteen minutes."

I sighed, but agreed and we ran back through the woods to school.

Logan said goodbye and walked down the hall. I glanced at my watch. Ten minutes. I ran into the bathroom. While we were in the field, I'd admitted to myself I loved Logan.

I.

Can't.

Love.

Logan.

Mitchell.

It just can't happen. Kendall Knight, son of the biggest homophobe in Minnesota?

Never. But it was happening. And there was only one way to deal. Yes, I admit I love him. But I'm not accepting it.

All this ran through my mind as I got out my razor and made six shiny new cuts.

Yes, I loved Logan.

That didn't mean he would ever know.

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><p><strong>Eh? Eh? like it? hate it? tell me! review! they make me all warm and tingly inside=)<strong>


	10. Secret Smile

**Okay, so really sorry it took so long, I was on vaca and my mom wouldn't let me bring my laptop. So, this is very short and fluffy. Next chapter will be... fun. *wink wink***

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><p>LOGAN POV<p>

Today was amazing, I thought as I took my seat in World History.

My seat beside Kendall.

Face it, Logan. You love him.

I can't! I love Zach…

Well, I thought I did.

Logan.

Just.

Say.

It.

Fine. I guess I had to admit it someday.

By this time, it was totally clear.

I loved Kendall Knight.

Boy, am I screwed.

Mr. Jackson(1) was in the middle of one of his insanely long and boring lectures. By the excitement on his face(2) I could tell he wouldn't be paying attention to us for a while. I slipped a piece of paper out of my binder and wrote on it.

**_Hi, Green Eyes .=)_**

I slipped it across the desk to Kendall. He looked down and smiled. He wrote something back and handed it to me.

_Hey, Sunshine. :{)_

I smiled, and almost started crying. Gah, I'm stupid. Logan, it's just your imagination. He couldn't possibly have…

That used to be our secret smiley face…

**_Secret smiley face?_**

_Yeah. You remember?_

**_Of course I do. Wow, I miss being little._**

He smiled.

_Me, too. Hey, wadaya say after school, you come over to my place? I know you come Friday, but I want to work on our song. :{)_

It took all of my self control not to jump up and do a victory dance.

Kendall!

Kendall invited me, willingly, to his house.

I think we're getting closer to figuring out what's kept Green Eyes so distant…

I smiled.

**_I'll be there._**

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><p><strong>(1) My history teacher. (2) His famous annoying lectures. Mr. J, if you're reading this... well I'm not gonna say it cause it's really creepy if you're reading this.<strong>


	11. I Don't Love Kendall

**I think I may post three chpts. today. this is the second one. So, the next on will be the wink wink one lol Read on!**

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><p>KENDALL POV<p>

One more period to go, then Logan would be at my house.

Gosh, quit getting excited Kendall!

The bathroom door slammed open. I drew up my feet and quieted. Maybe they wouldn't notice me…

"You're over reacting!"

"No, I'm not! This idiot is going to ruin our relationship, babe. I don't want you talking to him!"

"Don't call me that! Kendall is not going to ruin us. He means nothing! Nothing! He's just my friend, okay?"

I froze. That was Logan's voice. And that was Zach's.

"Look, I don't love him! Quit thinking that- getting jealous every time I talk to another guy! Kendall used to be my best friend! I should have a right to talk to him."

"Well, don't go falling in love with him. I know you babe. That's what happened when you fell in love with me."

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

"Sor-"

"NO, you're not! You know what, I don't love you. We're through Zach!"

"Oh, now you gonna run to Kendall? See what your little friend can do for you?" he groaned. "Forget you Logan. I don't need you. There are plenty of guys in this school."

And with that he left. I was whimpering, trying to be quiet, since I could still see Logan's legs.

"I don't love Kendall," he whispered as he left the bathroom.

How could I have been so stupid! To think, Logan could love me! Ha! I laughed bitterly as I grabbed my razor.

S.

T.

U.

P.

I.

D.

I carved into my stomach.

KENDALL

LOGAN

I carved into my hip.

Stupid. Stupid! STUPID!

How could I have been so stupid!

But I made myself a promise.

No matter how bad it hurt, Logan would never know I heard this.

I was going to try as hard as I could to build back the best friendship, even if he couldn't love me back.

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><p><strong>Aww. I almost feel bad for doing this to Kendall. BTW i know it kinda resembles HSM. but whatevs.<strong>


	12. So, Maybe I Do A Little Okay, A Lot

**Yay! we finally get to the romance. Hehe. Read on!**

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><p>KENDALL POV<p>

The final bell rang after Literature and I ran to my car after gathering my books. Logan had caught me right before class started and told me he would drive himself to my house.

Good. I needed to do something before he got there.

In three minutes I was home. I pulled open my dresser drawer and pulled out the sharpest blade I owned. I took it and sat down on my bed and pulled up my shirt. I found an empty spot and started carving. I drew a heart.

I heard the door of a car slam, then Katie's voice telling Logan to come on up.

Some reason, I couldn't stop.

I drew a K and heard Logan outside my door.

I had just finished the L when he opened the door, slammed it shut.

He ran up to me and kneeled next to me.

He took in all the scars from years of cuts.

"Oh, Green Eyes."

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><p>LOGAN POV<p>

I arrived at the Knight house just after Kendall, Katie told me. She directed me up the stairs. I opened Kendall's door and pulled it shut. When I turned around, before me was the scariest thing I had ever seen.

All over Kendall's stomach and hips and ribs were cuts. Razor cuts.

Most were just lines, but then I noticed a few that weren't.

I saw a very fresh one, as in Kendall had just done it literally seconds ago, that was a heart that said K+L , right under a slightly healed one that read STUPID.

I knelt in front of him and ran my fingers along the cuts.

"Oh, Green Eyes."

I jumped up and sat on the bed next to him.

I hugged him as tight as I could. For now, I wasn't going to worry about that heart. I was going to worry about Green Eyes.

"How long?"

"Ninth grade," he replied, tears forming in his eyes.

"Kendall?"

He looked up.

"The heart?"

And suddenly, it was like I had opened a floodgate. Everything poured out from Kendall.

But the only thing that stood out were these three words.

"I love you."

The next thing that stood out was that he heard my conversation with Zach. And that was the explanation for the STUPID cut.

I leaned over and hugged him. "Kendall, You are so much more than my friend."

"Then why'd you tell Za-"

"Cause I'm a good liar."

And I leaned over and kissed him.

This was like nothing I had ever done before. You read about the sparks that fly when you kiss a person you love.

This wasn't sparks.

This was fire.

It was a fire that started at our lips and spread through every contour of my body.

It was a fire that exploded and burnt fiercer with every movement.

It was a fire that was ours.

He pulled back first. He jumped back and off the bed.

"Logan, if you're just messing with me, if you're just being my pity party, please don't. It's bad enough without it."

"Kendall. Donald. Knight. If you think I'm playing you for a pity party, you are dead wrong. I loved you since the day I met you. I'd love to be your boyfriend, Green Eyes, if you're ready for that.

He froze.

"I can't. My dad…"

"Your dad is gone Ken, you don't have to worry about him anymore."

"Can we just… not go public? Be known as best friends, but know as lovers?"

"Definatly."

"Great. Well, wanna work on the song?"

"Not so fast, mister. We got some stuff to work out. It involves those cuts.

"I want you to give me every razor you have. In your backpack, pockets, closet, dresser, bathroom, hiding places, anything. You can keep one to shave with, that's it.

"Now, promise me something."

"What?" he asked quietly.

I replied, "If you feel like cutting, don't. Just call me. Anytime, anywhere. Promise?"

"I promise."

I kissed him again.

I could get used to this.

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><p><strong>So, Logan found out. And, they're unofficially officially togetherishy kindof ish... Hehe. Review!<strong>


	13. Through My Tears

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**So, this chapter was a little hard to write. I have bad trust issues, which is why I made Kendall have them. Enjoy=)**

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><p><strong><strong><strong>**

****

********

KENDALL POV

I glanced up at Logan through my tears. This couldn't be happening. It was everything I had ever hoped for. I was terrified of being gay. But, I was, and I needed to accept who I am. I wanted to trust Logan, with everything I had. But I couldn't. I couldn't do it.

I can't trust anyone.

The last time I trusted someone, he slapped my mom, yelled at me for not being perfect, and left. I was so scared to go up to his house every weekend.

I can't trust anyone.

I wanted to trust Logie, and I knew he wanted me to trust him, but I was so scared. Logan already knew way too much about me. sure, he was my unofficial official secret boyfriend, but I was still scared.

I can't trust anyone.

"Kendall?"

I glanced at Logan.

"Yes?" I asked.

"We need to talk about some stuff."

"What?"

"Kendall, you have to stop this. I need you to trust me. I know it's hard, but Ken, we can make it through this, I love you. Anything, anytime you need me, I'll be here! I need you to understand that. Trust me Kendall. Believe me, I understand how hard it is to trust anyone after what happened with your dad. But Kendall, I'm not your dad. I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to break you to pieces. I'm going to help you. I'm going to trust you. And I'm gonna love you like there's no tomorrow."

"No you-"

"Yes I will!" he interrupted.

"hey.. that goes to our song."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, we can work on our song. But promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise that you believe I love you."

"Lo-"

"Kendall! Promise?"

I sighed. "Promise."

"Good," he smiled. "Alright, so here we go."

He pulled out our song from my folder sitting beside me.

"Alright, so I've been thinking, and where it says, 'let you decide' I think it should be 'I'll follow your lead'. It goes more with it."

"That sounds good," I replied. "How about' So, why keep pretending… Open your eyes'…" Hmm. What next?

"I can be what you need?"

"Alright! So from the top. Go!"

_Here I am, there you are, why does it seem so far?_

_Next to you is where I should be._

_Something I want so bad, to know what's inside your head._

_Maybe I could see what you see._

_I gotta keep on believing everything takes time._

_I'd make up any reason to make you mine._

_If you're staying or leaving, I'll follow your lead._

_So, why keep pretending, Open your eyes._

_I can be what you need._

_Any kind of guy you want, that's the kind I'll be._

_I'll turn myself upside down._

_Yes I will! Yes I will!_

"It sounds amazing Sunshine," I said with a smile.

"Yupp. I need to get on home, but Kendall?"

"Yes?"

"Promise me, Green Eyes, that you'll call me if you need me. Please remember, I love you."

I smiled. "I know."

"Bye, Green Eyes."

"Bye, Sunshine."

And he left.

Maybe I won't cut for a while.

Because now I think I've found someone who loves me.

And I know I'm not just hurting myself, I'm hurting him.

Maybe I won't.

Cause now, someone loves me.

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***Sobs* well, i liked it. I am so sorry for not updating. you are allowed to hunt me down. I am teerribly sorry. i feel terrible about it, since my only excuse is laziness. im sorry. review!**


	14. Outside Your Window Is Where I'll Be

**...You can hunt me down again. I'm sorry. I had VERY important... sleeping... to.. do..**

**ANYWHO**

**It took me forever to figure out how to continue this story...**

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><p><em>BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!<em>

Oh my goodness. _Who is calling me at this hour?_ I rolled over and looked at my clock. 2:34 AM! I glanced at my phone, then bolted upright.

_Kendork=) _flashed across my screen. I grabbed my phone and fumbled with it till it opened.

"Kendall! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just needed to hear your voice."

"Oh. Kendall. You scared the crap out of me."

"I'm sorry Sunshine. I just... woke up. I needed to make sure you would be there."

"It's okay Kendall. Do you need to talk about anything?"

"Yeah... Can I come over there?"

"At this time of the morning? How are you going to get here?"

"Knowing you, Logie, you robably don't know this, but you don't have to walk down your street then turn and go back down mine. My house is right behind you."

"Holy crap! Really!"

He laughed. "Yes, Logan. Really. That oak tree? I can climb one side of it and climb to the other side and be by your window."

"...How do you know that?" I asked cautiously.

"I.. uh.. Haven't watched you... or anything..." He coughed.

I laughed. "I don't care Kendork. It's fine. Just... let me check on my parents."

"Okay..."

I walked down the stairs and peeked through my parents' door. They were sound asleep. I crept back upstairs and picked up the phone. "Yeah, they're asleep. Come on."

Three seconds later I heard a tap on my window. I jumped out of my skin and glanced over to my window. Kendall was crouched on a branch thay grew beside my window. I opened it up and he jumped in.

"Were you in that tree the whole time?" I asked incredelously.

"No..." he replied unconvincinglly.

I laughed queitly at his expression. I pulled him over to my bed and sat down. "What did you need to talk about?"

"Well," he sighed. "Nothing really. I just wanted to see you," he confessed.

I smiled. "I'm fine with that."

He lied down on my bed and pulled me down with him. I put my arms around him and he smiled. The last thing I remember before falling back asleep is his lips on my forehead.

I woke again at 4:30 to a movement beside me. Kendall stood up.

"I gotta go Sunshine. My mom's gonna wake up soon."

"Okay Green Eyes. But, it's Saturday. So, I'll call you in a few hours."

"Alright. Bye," he smiled.

"Bye," I replied, and shut my window after him.

It was beginning to be a good day.

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><p><strong>I truly feel like this sucked= I need some good ideas. Some ideas, anybody? Serious writer's block. Sucks. R&R please=) (New note) Okay, I freaking swear i posted this last Tuesday. IM SO SORRY.**


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